Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
