he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
