somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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