I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
