i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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