SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
