You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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