Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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