I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
