I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
