I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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