"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
