this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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