We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
