And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
