Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
