She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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