The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
