Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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