no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
