I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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