He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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