I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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