Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize