im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
