I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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