I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
