ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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