At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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