i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
