do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
