Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
