I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
