Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
