Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
