I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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