I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
