I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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