forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize