I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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