Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
