Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
