i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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