saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
