That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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