I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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