what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
