you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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