dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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