I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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