Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
