sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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