How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
