im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
