I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
