I think im going to throw up on grandma
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize