Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
