i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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