Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
