I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
