i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
