so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
