i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
