someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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