found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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