Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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