Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
