I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
