My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
