Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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