I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
