dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
